


it's okay, that's love

by boosol98



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 08:12:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boosol98/pseuds/boosol98
Summary: sing with me, just for today





	it's okay, that's love

seungkwan has fallen in love before. at least, he thinks he has. for one reason or another, however, things has always gone awry and seungkwan has always been left in the dark; hurt, heartbroken and wishing he never fell in the first place. 

seungkwan believed in love once, believed in it way too much, probably. a romantic and idealist all in one, he trusted others too easily and loved others too easily and hurt himself too easily. 

which is why he is the way he is now: 22 years old, with mental scars and a newfound deep-rooted hatred for the same thing that he once thought was the only thing a person needed in the world to live. 

it’s not that seungkwan isn’t happy; he has a great group of friends, a best friend he can always count on, and a major that he is satisfied with. he is happy, there is no doubt about that. but there’s a part of himself- a part he used to leave on his sleeve, a part he used to believe having would lead to great and beautiful things, that was now locked away in the deepest darkest part of his mind. it was the part of himself that loved. 

 

when minghao, the barista at his school campus’ starbucks, wrote his number on the side of seungkwan’s order of his favorite drink in the world, an _iced americano_ , seungkwan took one look at it and discarded the cup in the trash after drinking it. 

when wonwoo, the cute boy who was paired up with seungkwan in their chemistry lab, asked seungkwan if he wanted to go watch a movie together sometime, seungkwan politely declined and told him he was too busy with schoolwork. 

and when vernon, his friend of over 10 years, asked seungkwan to go to their school’s semi formal with him, seungkwan agreed but made sure to clarify they were only going as friends. 

 

instead, seungkwan spent his days with his roommate and also best friend of over 5 years, lee seokmin. they had a similar sense of humour that seungkwan appreciated to no end, and a shared interest of singing. seungkwan knew everything about seokmin, and seokmin knew (almost) everything about seungkwan. they confided in each other: their joys, their passions, their worries, and their fears. seungkwan was scared of many things, but when he sat beside seokmin, legs entangled, heads on each other’s shoulders, and laughter that bubbled up from their chests and into the sky, seungkwan felt safe. 

for years, they lived together as roommates, relying on each other and trusting each other. they both took care of each other well- seungkwan cooked, seokmin cleaned, seungkwan made sure seokmin stayed on top of his studies, seokmin bought movies for seungkwan that he knew he would like to relieve stress. they laughed easily when they were in each other’s presence, and seungkwan really, truly, was happy. 

seungkwan never really explained why he never had any relationships or even flings, and seokmin, sensing it was a topic seungkwan didn’t want to talk about, never asked. 

seungkwan wasn’t sure exactly when, but at one point he felt things start to shift. he caught seokmin sneaking glances at him, felt his gaze linger for longer than necessary, saw the way seokmin’s cheeks would turn red whenever seungkwan said words of affection. seungkwan was far from oblivious of these signs: he knew exactly what it meant. however, he didn’t know what it meant for _himself_. if this was any other person, seungkwan would seclude himself, shut himself away from the person in question and hope that they got the hint eventually. but this was seokmin, and seokmin, more than anything else, was his best friend. but the part that troubled seungkwan the most, the part that kept him up every night, was that every time seungkwan looked at seokmin, he felt that part of himself he locked away years ago begging to be let out again. and every time the feeling came about, seungkwan would just shut his eyes and hope whatever this was, whatever this all was, would pass soon and they could be normal again, whatever that meant. 

seokmin soon started to notice that seungkwan was acting strange. as much as he wanted to deny it, seungkwan knew he was doing it again- shutting himself away from everyone else and consequently, making everyone worry, especially seokmin. 

seokmin knocks on the door to seungkwan’s bedroom one night. seungkwan doesn’t answer or respond, and normally seokmin would just leave it at that, but tonight, it seems, he really needed some words to be said. 

“hey,” he says quietly, almost a whisper, while cracking the door open cautiously. seungkwan looks up from where he’s sitting on the bed, restless and trying to figure out the quickest escape route to flee the room, or even better yet, the apartment. 

seokmin senses this, and tenses up. “hey, um, i’m sorry to bother you, but i just really feel like we should talk.” 

seungkwan doesn’t say anything for a while. they stare at each other like that, neither of them making any movement. seungkwan sighs. “okay,” he says eventually. “come in.” 

seokmin moves in carefully, and goes to sit on the chair across from seungkwan’s bed. there’s a few seconds of silence again, but this time it’s seokmin that speaks up. 

“look, i’m sorry if i’ve upset you somehow. whatever it is i did, i probably didn’t mean to, and i really just, um,” he stutters before continuing- “i really just want things to go back to how they were before between us. i really value our friendship, you know? you understand me more than anyone else does, and, um…” seokmin stops here, choosing to look at the ground instead. offhandedly, seungkwan notes that he looks really cute today, wearing a white shirt that exposed his collarbones with skin tight black jeans and brown hair styled back. seungkwan brushes it away immediately, knowing that absolutely isn’t a thought he should be having, especially right now. he suddenly feels a pang of guilt in his chest. he knows that he’s been hurting seokmin by the way he’s been acting, and he hates it so much, so very much, but he just doesn’t know how else to deal with the conflicting feelings currently residing in himself. 

belatedly, he realizes seokmin is expecting him to say something. 

seungkwan clears his throat, louder than he meant it to be. “it’s not you at all, seokmin,” he begins. “i just needed some time alone to, um, figure some things out. school’s just been really stressful and-” but before he can finish his sentence, he’s interrupted by seokmin blurting out “i like you”, looking straight into seungkwan’s eyes. 

seungkwan freezes. every thought process in his mind shuts off, and he just sits there, mouth slightly agape. seokmin, on the other hand, looks mortified. he stands up abruptly, almost knocking seungkwan’s chair over, and runs out of the room. after a few seconds, seungkwan hears the door to their apartment open and close. 

seungkwan sits on his bed after that for a while, trying to understand what just happened, a million thoughts running rampant in his head. 

he knows that he should probably go after seokmin, try to explain everything, but seungkwan doesn’t know if he can. 

he ends up walking around in circles in his room, memories of his past resurfacing. he knows he’s being a little unreasonable: just because of some dumb mistakes, that doesn’t mean he should let it stop him from being afraid of anyone showing the same kind of emotion ever again, especially if they really do have good intentions, like he knows seokmin does. he knows seokmin would never hurt him. 

this time, seungkwan finally decides, after an hour of pacing around his room, he wants to try again. it’s his life, he should have control over it and not let some shitty people from years ago to dictate the way he acts and thinks now. 

besides, he thinks, smiling to himself, he believes in seokmin. he believes in seokmin more than he believes in himself. 

with a start, seungkwan realizes seokmin still hasn’t returned. he hastily grabs his coat and keys and runs out the door, an idea of a place seokmin might be in mind. 

seungkwan and seokmin met at a playground in grade 12. they both came from different high schools, but both happened to come to this playground whenever they felt that they wanted to escape the world or just have some time to themselves. seungkwan decided to go up to the other boy one day and introduce himself. seokmin had smiled brightly then, and seungkwan felt himself being immediately drawn. their friendship blossomed from there, and soon enough, the two found themselves going to the playground not because they wanted time to themselves but because they wanted time with each other. 

by the time seungkwan leaves his apartment, it’s nearing 2 am. he runs faster than he’s ever ran before, even faster than the one time he ran in a track race to try and beat his sworn enemy, kim mingyu, desperate to get to seokmin and explain himself.

panting, he eventually reaches that same playground and sure enough, spots the shadow of older man on a swing in the darkness of the sleeping city. 

seungkwan approaches seokmin with drive. he wants to say what he wants, no, _needs_ to say before he chickens out and runs away. he reaches the edge of the playground, which is when seokmin spots him. he freezes, looks like a deer caught in headlights, and if not for the situation, seungkwan might have laughed at the ridiculity of it all. seungkwan walks right up to the spot in front of seokmin, a few inches from his feet. seokmin opens his mouth to speak, but seungkwan holds one finger up, effectively shutting him up. 

taking a deep breath, seungkwan gets out what he needs to get out. 

“i like you too, lee seokmin. i like you, and i’ve liked you since the first time we’ve met, i think. i’ve just grown accustomed to running away from my feelings because of a few experiences in the past that’s scared me off. however, i think that you’ve helped me overcome that, and i think that finally, ever so finally, i’m ready to try again. i would also like to apologize for my behavior these past few weeks, and i hope you can forgive me, although i know you will, because you are just that great. you are amazing, wonderful, smart, bright, and i think i’ve learned to embrace this world better because of you.” seungkwan stops here, as he realizes he’s rambling. he looks carefully at seokmin, trying to read his expression. 

seokmin opens his mouth once, before closing it again. he then opens his mouth again, slower this time, and asks in a voice barely above a whisper: “can i kiss you?” 

seungkwan is taken back, not expecting that kind of a response, but nods nonetheless. 

“yeah.” he says. “yeah, i think i’d like that.” 

and so he does. seokmin stands up from where he’s sitting on the swing set and takes seungkwan’s face into his hands. they’re both smiling now, and seokmin finally leans in to take the younger boy’s lips with his own. seokmin’s lips taste sweet, just like himself, and seungkwan can feel himself melt into him. he hasn’t kissed anyone in years, and honestly, he would like to forget all the past experiences and call this his first one. this kiss has everything that was missing from his previous relationships: tenderness, emotion, and the kind of spark that has seungkwan shivering under the touch. 

they break apart after a few seconds, but seokmin continues to cup seungkwan’s head softly with his hands. he presses their foreheads together and whispers, “i’m sorry, too. thank you for being in my life, boo seungkwan”. 

seungkwan smiles. he likes seokmin, he really does. and while he’s still not sure he’s exactly ready for the big L word yet, he knows he will reach it eventually, and he knows that seokmin will wait. he’ll always wait.

**Author's Note:**

> hee hee anyone else here LOVE booseok


End file.
